


The Deeper the Grief

by lamerezouille



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1709015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamerezouille/pseuds/lamerezouille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen had been grieving almost all her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Deeper the Grief

When Gwen’s mother died, she was too young to understand that she would never see her again, or at least not for a long time. So she took care of her dad and of her brother at best as she could, and waited a few years for regretting not having cried more.

When Gwen’s father died, she was numb for a week, but then she picked herself up. She had work to do, people to take care of. She had to be thankful she was still alive.

When Lancelot died, she thought a piece of herself was gone with him—had left her forever. When he died again, the piece had come back but was scorched black inside her heart. It would taint her for the rest of her life.

When Elyan died, she wasn’t even herself. She didn’t cry, she didn’t scream. It was only months later that the fact that her brother was no more truly soaked in her skin. Her body got so weak, she only had strength left to throw up.

When Arthur died, she thought she’d be alone for ever. There were people around her, so many that she felt suffocated under her crown, but she had to bear it with her head held high, and do what had to be done.

When they brought Morgana’s body to the castle, all she could think was that the Morgana she’d known had been dead long before a sword pierced her chest. And maybe even longer than Gwen could fathom.

When she realised Merlin wouldn’t be coming back, Gwen shed one single tear. She wiped it away and nodded at Geoffrey to go on with the Council meeting.

She felt so alone but she wasn’t, not really. There was Gaius and his warm smiles, there was Percival and his encouraging looks, and there was Leon.

The first time Leon kissed her, she thought that he would surely die someday too. She thought that she would not be able to bear one more loss.

The second time Leon kissed her, she knew with certainty that she would be able to feel whole again someday.

The third time Leon kissed her, she decided it was time to stop grieving, and to start living again.

The day their daughter was born, she realised why it had been so important that she took this decision.


End file.
